This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
