Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize