I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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