Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
