Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You are the jesus of drinking
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
