i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
