Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
