How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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