Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
