he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
