I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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