i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
