It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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