dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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