im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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