Me too!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
