I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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