I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
