I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize