My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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