I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
