she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
