i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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