my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
