Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
