You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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