I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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