ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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