i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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