She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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