I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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