Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
