thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Text me some of your sweat
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
