Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize