i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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