Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
