A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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