i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
