no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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