U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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