This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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