Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize