She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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