Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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