They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
