I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ttyl tear gas
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
