I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
