Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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