wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
