Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
