In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
