I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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