Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
