on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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