Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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