Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
