i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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