she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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