I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
