omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
