All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize