you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
