I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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