Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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