smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
NoShamevember. You game?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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