I just cut my nipple shaving
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
