Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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