my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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