On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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