What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry my hands just texted you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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