My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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