Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
