next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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