You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
