I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
