we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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