I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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