so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
