is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
