I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
