I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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