if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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