Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
