i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Damn victory sex feels great
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
