Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
