dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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